Sunday, 8 February 2015

Early Days

Please note. You may have noticed that this blog begins in February but covers a time period from the beginning of Jan. This is because I didn't think anyone would find it interesting (or that it was even a thing) until I started thinking about/researching it.

Since then, I have come across numerous websites, TED talks and forums (which will be shared in due course) on the subject and have discovered that going porn-free is indeed a 'thing', that there are many other people attempting it and that to document my experiences might be of benefit to the discussion as a whole. It might not, of course, but why not give it a go? I have also come to realise that keeping some sort of document will undoubtedly help me attain my goal in the long-term.

For this reason, I will have to retro-cover the first month of my challenge and give a précis of my experiences. This will mean the beginning of the blog maybe a bit jumbled and/or clogged with thoughts. For this, I apologise and promise you, Dear Reader, that once I am caught-up, all you will read will be nothing but nothing but fresh (ish) ideas.

Weeks 1 and 2 – January 2015

In all honesty, the first couple of weeks of No Porn were not that difficult. This was for two main reasons. The first was that I was still seeing Kelly (for all intents and purposes my girlfriend [though she's not actually and it's complicated blah] and not her real name) and having real world sex at least like three times a week. Having regular, real world sexytime is the best guard against a porn binge, although it in no way eliminates the risk.

The other reason is that it just isn't that hard to give up porn for a couple of weeks. Every habitual porn user has had weeks here and there when they can't get on the internet. This just felt like another one of those. I still thought about porn and got cravings, but it was easy not to give in because I think, in my subconscious, I knew I would be going back soon (even though my conscious mind had other ideas).

As I've said, I have tried (and failed) to give up porn before. I think I my longest 'streak' (NoFap speak for porn-free period) may have been as long as thirty days or more. So in the beginning, this felt like my previous attempts. I guess it's the same when you give up anything. It's not the stopping but the idea that you will never do it again which is hard to face. This is usually what prevents people from taking the (crucial) first step.

Other factors which made it easy not to pornwank were that I was preparing to move overseas for six months and there was so much organisation to do that I did not have a huge amount of time to myself. Boredom and idleness as well as stress and anxiety are some of the biggest dangers (for me) when it comes to internet porn cravings.

Also during this time, I began to realise that to constantly acknowledge and repeat my goals was a good way to avoid giving in to cravings. Asking myself, why am I doing this? What do I want to achieve? (see previous post for answers) on a regular basis helped me to remember what the whole thing is about and that this is an investment in Future Me that I hope to one day be proud of.

It's never easy, but comme on dit, the longest journey begins with the smallest step.

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