Saturday, 28 February 2015

Laughing All The Way To The (Wank) Bank

58 days porn-free.

Wow, what a week. Been with the lady I met the other night fairly constantly and have had much amazing sexytime. I feel so lucky! This came out of a clear blue sky and brightened up my world no end. She has gone back home now but we have plans to see each other again when I head east later in the year.

Amazing amazing amazing is all I can really say. We spent days together, went for breakfast together, we held hands. And we had loads of sex! It was lovely and there is the added bonus that I now have plenty of material for the wank bank to get me through the (potentially lean) times ahead.

Ok, 90s+ children, I am now going to explain another relic of the Past which was made obsolete by the invention of broadband internet and constant access to free hardcore porno: ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the Wank Bank. This is a place in your memory used exclusively for storing memories and images of past sexy times. Like how a squirrel stores food for the winter; you try to remember specific moments and feelings, in as much detail as possible, from when you got 'fresh' in the past to get you through the times when food (sex) is more scarce.

Again, if you were born after a certain time, you probably think I'm making this up. (Holla if you remember, y'all!). Why would you bother remembering past sexytime when you can just open your laptop and watch it for 'real'?* Because we didn't have the internet, stupid! We couldn't just conjure thousands of sexy images out of nothing. We had to use our minds and memories.

* Incidentally, this could be part of a wider intellectual shift towards storing information in the 'cloud.' I.e. The idea that we don't need to learn anything by rote anymore because we can access said information at any time on the web. Some theorists (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRoENv7anVM) argue that children no longer need to remember facts or how to spell, they merely need to be able to distinguish good information from bad. This is all well and good as long as the internet remains on. And it's fine for the dates of the Wars of the Roses or how to spell 'Rhododendron' , I just think physical contact should remain actually physical.

And here's the thing. I'm starting to think that knowing we would want to remember these times in the future made us more present in the moment they were happening. It stopped us from taking them for granted because we knew they might not be coming around again for some time and that we might want to remember them forever. Thus we were potentially even more 'alive' while they were going on.

I am not blaming you, fin de siecle children. You never had a choice about what choices would be offered to (or forced upon) you. (Don't hate the player etc). And I'm not saying we (old fucks) are in any way better than you. I'm just trying to evoke a time before these images and videos were available. Trying to remind those who remember and explain to those who don't and, concurrently, put forward the notion that perhaps it was... better?

Better?! Surely this guy is crazy!? But think about it. Isn't it sexier to learn to use your own mind to get yourself off? And possibly better for your imagination and creativity to boot, rather than having millions of images funneled into your mind by a computer, dousing your system in dopamine and leaving you drained and stupified? I don't know, I'm just riffing here, but this is how I'm starting to feel.

And another thing, I now feel more attractive to women. Not possible! I hear you cry. Very funny but listen. Almost everyone on NoFap and Pornfree reports replenished sex-drive and feeling more attractive after a streak (many go further and say they have become sex gods and better businessmen...hmmm) and, when I read it, I thought this was bullshit. But I'm starting to see it. Removing the crutch of PMO makes you more alive to possibilities of actual sexytime.

It makes you realise that (in general) everyone else is on the same page and if you just open your eyes, there are plenty of real people to connect with around all the time. I'm nearly at 60 days PMO-free and I really feel like the benefits are starting to show. Just as when you give up alcohol (or anything) there is a lag while it leaves your system before you see any benefit, but then it 'kicks in' and you start to see benefits everywhere.

As well as this, I don't feel ashamed anymore. I don't have any secrets from anyone (apart from this blog, of course). I don't have to lie about what I do in the evening. I can lend my laptop to my housemate knowing that she won't stumble across anything I would be embarrassed by. Because there's nothing there! I don't need it anymore! I feel clean and free and happier than ever to be so.


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