Sunday, 19 April 2015

I Deleted Tinder

107 days porn-free

I did it. I finally deleted Tinder. Since quitting porn, I have obviously been looking in different places to get my sexytime. The whole point of removing the 'crutch' of PMO was to (re)discover how to interact with real people and attempt to make any lovemaking a physical – rather than virtual – reality. This has had variable* results from me meeting and hooking up with one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, to a now nigh-on two month sex drought.

* Read: shite.

And it also had me trawling Tinder. As I explained in a previous post, Tinder has all the ingredients to keep you interested. Well, actually it's really only one: the vague promise of sex. This is enough to keep you (me) coming back time and again with increasing frequency, thinking that you are at some point going to get massively laid.

I started Tinder like all newbies: with bad photos and a painfully naïve attitude; reading bios and really trying to 'get to know' prospective dates before deciding whether to 'like' them or not. These good intentions quickly paled, however, into jaded 'harvesting': a brazen session of swiping every picture right until you hit a match, then either messaging or ignoring them depending on whether you (I) fancied them or not.

I'm glad to say, I grew out of this harvesting. It was cheap and wrong and I feel bad about it. In my defence, though, I think it is a step along the way to some kind of responsibility in usage, and I know there are many more men out there being far worse (not that this is a valid excuse.) But anyway, I grew out it as I say and my eventual method was probably closer to a hybrid of the two; sometimes I would look at all the pics and read the bio, sometimes I would swipe right if I liked the first pic enough. For sure, though, if I was not into it, I swiped left, like a good guy.

It truly is douchey to just swipe all of them right as I know from experience how it feels to be ignored when you match. So you gotta be honest and not just pretend that it's ok that you're hurting people's feelings because they are remote. This amounts to bad internetting, imho.

And the results were, basically, rubbish. I traded messages with a few people. I (finally) managed to meet up with one person for a date (from which no sex* resulted) but, all in all, I achieved pretty much zero. And I spent ages on it. It was just another internet addiction. Have I got a new match? Have I got a new message? Will I get another match if I spend enough time swiping**? Eventually, you're spending a stupid amount of time on it for what? Essentially more frustration.

* I'm not just after sex, incidentally. In fact I believe I might be looking for real love (aren't we all?) but you gotta start somewhere. And in the absence of shouting it from the rooftops, I'll settle for a bit of howsyerfather any day of the week.

** Interestingly, when you match with someone, a screen comes up that asks if you want to message the mathchee or 'keep playing' and really it is nothing but a game, just with real players.

I am in the middle of another hefty sex drought (two months and counting [did I mention?]) and I guess this is part of the reason I got so into Tinder. I thought, in the absence of meeting any people here in town, this could be my lifeline. But it just turned into another crutch – promising so much but, in the end, just accentuating the lonesomeness.

So I've deleted it. Maybe I have an addictive personality, or maybe I just want to see how many things I can give up (by the time I'm forty, I'll probably be teetotal and vegan) but I felt I needed Tinder out of my life. I like reading books and doing other things and Tinder was taking place of pretty much everything else.

I think I'm better off without it. Now I will truly have to face up to one salient fact: That I have no game whatsoever and that, if I ever want to get naked with a woman again, I'm gonna have to get some. And get some fast.

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